2007-08-20 - 2:20 a.m.
Het privileges

Strange things I have endured since deciding to marry my longtime partner:

-Having many people assume I am knocked up, because we officially decided to do this about a month beforehand.

-Having many, many crying jags trying to decide whether to just go to Probate Court, have a few people in our new apartment, or actually rent a place, then picking a place to rent that turned out to be ridiculously expensive. Whoops.

-Some nasty arguments with my mom, the Official Wedding Planner, including one about why it would be absolutely unthinkable to request that sorbet be served to the guests who don't do dairy. Sheesh. This with me being the self-declared Queen of Vegan Sticky Buns.

-Very nasty argument with would-be groom about why we needed to register with Bed Bath & Beyond in addition to TarJAY. After about half an hour, it emerged that he thought I wanted us to register at...Bath & Body Works. (Despite this, the ceremony is still on.)

-Trying to register at TarJAY, only to find out that half our stuff didn't scan, most of the stuff on their website doesn't exist in-store, and my God, does their search function suck. Today I tried to go back and fix things at the store but Their System Is Down.

-Trying to register at Bed Bath & Beyond, only to stand around like idiots for ten minutes while no one so much as made eye contact with us. When someone finally attempted to help us, we got taken aside into a little room, and my first remark was, "Geez, we're not buying a used car here." But after that unauspicious start, their process was actually a lot better than TarJAY's, because the guy knew a lot about everything, much like W on Good Eats.

-Trying on about twenty-five non-wedding dresses, and even a few pantsuits. Having to explain to the very nice saleslady while in my skivvies that despite whatever my mom told her, I Am Not Getting Married In Pants. (We decided to have the dress I liked best re-engineered by an expert seamstress, who should have a sideline as a therapist, because she is just that cool.)

-Having said seamstress write on me with a red Sharpie to denote where the dress lay on my chest, so the underwear-store lady could outfit me appropriately with a bra that wouldn't show.

-Paying a ton more for the danged bra than the dress itself. (Well, the dress was very on-sale, but sheesh.)

-Buying something called Spanx Power Panties and telling the Catherine's saleslady "I need a miracle!"

-Having the following exchange several times:
Well-meaning stranger: When are you getting married?
Me: The twenty-fifth.
Stranger: Of August?!

-Not being able to invite any number of people because nearly everyone we asked said yes.

-Eyebrow wax and subsequent breakouts.

-The day-of, I will be having my hair done (yay!), then going over to a mall Clinique counter to have my face done (boo!).

---

Yeah, this is weird. How it came about was, in mid-July we went looking for apartments and fell in love with the first one we looked at. It is a 1999-built townhouse with pretty paint colors and The Most Awesome Walk-In Closet Ever. It is in a neighborhood that is extremely "Little Boxes," but that's okay.

And as we were making plans to move in, Ken asked his HR people about health insurance for me, and it turned out we'd save about $300 a month over COBRA-ing to my old job, but we'd have to be married. And a light went on in our heads.

To be honest, we're probably more excited about this townhouse than being married. Furniture-wise we have our computer desks, a number of random chairs and end-tables, and The Brand-New King-Sized Bed We Can't Stop Talking About. We have a card table to eat on but we just haven't unfolded it yet, so our bed is functioning as entertainment center and kitchen table.

Ken:Why do we need to register for TV trays?
Jenny, eyes popping out of head: Because we're not going to eat dinner in bed for the rest of our lives!

This dearth of furniture led to some interesting exchanges with the BBB guy, like:
Do you need cloth napkins and placemats?
Ken: Well, we need a kitchen table first.
and
Do you need throw blankets and pillows for your couch?
Me: We need a couch!

Tomorrow night is the absolute last night we have to decide what we want in the ceremony and write our vows. Tuesday night we are meeting with our officiant, a very nice lady, to finalize the script. Ken is aiming for Funny and I am desperate for Not Cheesy.

woogie - woo